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|Lasse, 114 - Midnight, hr 1|
The area was completely silent, except for the sound of the waterfall that filled the lake. It was peaceful there, and it had been peaceful for a long time. But suddenly, something new fell into the blue lake. It seemed to have come from nowhere, as if instantaneously formed in the waterfall itself. This new thing burst from the body of water several minutes later, and floated several feet above the water. It resembled a giant lizard, long and thin with red eyes, horns, and whiskers.
The beast looked around the area, it's body curling into a loose knot in midair. For several minutes the beast was silent, and then it moved. A breeze brought a scent to it's nose, and the creature intuitively followed it.
There was no feeling, no emotion. The creature only seemed to soak in knowledge, and any questions or thoughts were kept internal.
But the creature would soon find reasons to speak.
|Ringwe, 114 - Afternoon, hr 8|
We dug together.
It was our lot, for a long, long time. When Rani Illesa and Rani Neasa died, and when Kavo Freyr passed too, we decided to dig, to bury ourselves beneath the mountains, to be closer and to hear them sing.
I was the only one who was stirred. The only one who stayed, to carve the mountain, to bring the aellari and their visitors closer to the stone that bore their ancestors.
No one cared for my efforts. No one appreciated what I did.
Not even the aella, for after a while, even they stopped singing to me.
|Ringwe, 114 - Afternoon, hr 8|
|Kuile, 115 - Evening, hr 10|
Zai-Tar stumbles to a halt gratefully as Eko-Zai calls for them to stop. The basket Tar carries is quickly deposited by the river banks, and, ignoring his tussling siblings, as well as the jungle they have found themselves in, he flops down beside it. Half-curled, he rests with his head propped up by the container and his feet kept cool, dangling in the river. It takes him little time at all to fall asleep, exhaustion for once overwhelming suspicious caution.
He dreams of dancing lights that taunt him, moving in and out of reach, as he struggles through the swamps of home. He has been sent out here by Jui, who wants him to gather some kind of plant, but he cannot remember what the plant looks like, and in desperation lashes out at the glowing balls of light. His claws slip right through them, and suddenly he is falling and thrashing in the swamp water, a yelp escaping his mouth.
With a start, his eyes shoot open. For a moment he doesn't realize what has woken him, but the moment does not last. He is lying on his stomach in the shallows of the river. Sputtering, he sits up, shooting a glare at the basket, as if it was its job to keep him out of the water. With a toss of his head he stands up and turns his back on the shore, cooling anger and embarrassment re-lit when his brother's laughter reaches his ear-slits. He stands stock still for a time, incoherent half formed thoughts dancing through his brain and drowning out the pained squeak Zai-Az makes.
Fleeing his brother's derision, he kicks his powerful legs and moves deeper into the river, only to find, suddenly, that this river is not as lazy and meandering as the one he knows. The current tugs at him and panic steals away his breath, good arm and legs flailing. Unbeknownst to him, he is barking high and shrill as he fights to get back to shore, or at least the shallows.
As his brother throws himself into the water, struggling to rid himself of some strange small insects, Tar finally gets close enough to grasp his twin's arm, though his kicking feet still cannot touch the bottom. Unfortunately, instead of being able to use Az as his anchor, Tar's weight and his twin's surprise pull them both further from safety. He can feel Az flailing in the water, his tail lashing wildly, but is too worn out to contribute much.
Head momentarily underwater, he misses the exact moment when Zai leaps in after them, but the anger in their father's expression and tone is unmistakable as he drags the two of them to shore. He cringes at the words he only partially understands, but is too busy being relieved to be very afraid.
Lying tiredly on the soft earth, he perks up some at Zai's next words. He makes out, in no particular order, 'go', a few words he does not know, 'sssoon', 'good', and most importantly, 'food'.
But - he can tell - it is not an invitation to eat, but a command. Get good food, he is being told, though he doesn't quite understand why. So, carefully, he picks himself and pads silently to his basket, avoiding his younger siblings as they continue to fight. Upon reaching the basket, however, an accusation reaches his ears that has him spinning, anger returned to him in full.
"Noht stupid," he hears Az snap, repeating the unknown word he recognizes as the same one Zai accused the two of them of being. This in itself would not bother him greatly, but the clawed finger his twin thrusts in his direction, along with a glare and an accusing hiss is more then enough to have him defending himself.
Unwilling to get into a fight, he settles for an angry attempt to explain himself. Thoughts are so hard to put into words, but he tries, with the best word in his vocabulary.
"Ahtter wah-ter not sssstrong," is his irritable attempt, which he considers quite well said. 'Strong', he knows, is the easiest word to understand. Even 'food' can cause confusion, something he remembers happening vaguely, a great deal of time ago.
It's true enough too, the water he's used to is slow moving and its depth gently sloped, and not like this dreadfully powerful river. How was he to know?
But Az is not listening in any case, and Tar himself has soon forgotten the incident in favor of other things. All that's left, besides a possible greater sense of caution when it comes to water, is the memory of the power of the current, and the desire to have the strength to cut straight through it as his father did.
|Urnu, 115 - Midday, hr 6|
What was that place? She had never seen the waters around her before she opened her golden eyes, the fins of her tail swishing in the water as she gazed about in confusion. Her mind was filled with nothing. No memories of what she had been doing prior to awaking near the cave, with the jellyfish and sea beasts around. What was that place?
Curiosity got the better of her and she inched towards the cave itself, her eyes glancing into the mouth before her body followed. Others? But...who were they?
|Naur, 115 - Midnight, hr 1|
She heard the words: "I think I will leave..."
She heard them, and her heart stopped cold. "What do you mean?" As she asked the question, she dreaded the answer as it flew from Kontar's mouth: "I will return to Heart Haven."
Her stomach clenched, and she stared at him blankly for a long moment before speaking quietly, hoarsely, the only word she could possibly utter: "... what?"
Such a strange action; he smiles. He smiles. Her stomach clenches even tighter as he does so, her insides tangling together into knots. He attempts to reassure her, perhaps sensing the tumult inside of her body at that moment. "It's not that I don't like you anymore..."
A ferocity suddenly leaps up inside of her, and the tears that had been just waiting beneath her eyelids sprung up, her vocal chords joining in and making her voice high-pitched and distressed. She heard herself say, "Why can't it be your home?! Why can't you stay?!" An answer, telling her this is not his home, that he lives with the Moonkin.
The tears are spilling out of her eyes at this point, creating shiny streaks on her cheek to accompany her extremely distressed visage. "You're my best friend, you can't leave!" It wasn't a lie. It was probably the most truthful thing to ever come from her mouth. He looks taken aback, his disbelief apparent on his face as he asks, "I am?"
With this, the knots in her stomach tie together completely. Her thoughts are whirling inside of her head... He doesn't see me as his best friend, too? Does he not like me? She stands up, staring at him through blurred vision. "Yes, and I thought you thought the same!" Tears roll freely down her cheeks, a sob retching her body as he attempts to soothe her, telling her not to cry. She flinches away, involuntarily, the pain too much. "No! Leave me alone... that's what you were planning on doing, anyway!" She quickly turns and runs toward her house, another watery sob shaking her as she runs.
She flings herself onto the soft feather bedding of her bed, her sobs now echoing off of the limestone walls, and she buries her face deeper into the softness, the comfort. The knots in her stomach cannot tie anymore, her heart already burst as the thoughts whirl without stopping inside of her head. Soon, a sound breaks her barrier of sadness. "Ruby, I told you it isn't about you..."
A kind of angry sadness bubbles up inside of her, and as she thought her stomach couldn't clench any more, it did. "I don't CARE!" Even in her state, the harshness shocks her, but she continues on, the pain in her heart finally leaking like a broken faucet. "I hate you." She utters the words quietly, through her tears, a watery lie to show him how much he is putting her through, how much he means to her, her friend, the only person she could talk to...
A soft movement next to her, a pained voice near. "Please Ruby, I can't look at you when you are so sad." The pain inside her bubbles to the surface once more, another angry cry erupting from inside of her: "THEN DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
Her head hits the pillow, her face pressed deeply into its soft down. She doesn't hear what he says next; her head is filled too full to fit any more excuses. She feels his hand on her hair, and her arm pushes it away as she pulls the bedding up around her, encasing her in a cocoon of her own sorrow. Eventually, there is silence. All that is present is the sound of tears hitting the pillow, one plunk after the next.
Silence. For so long... it felt like an eternity. Tears made their way out of her half-closed, reddened eyes. The silence told her he was still there, he hadn't left. She wished he would leave... leave her to her sorrow. "Why are you still here?"
A voice as pained as hers replies. "I already told you I can't. I can't leave you, Ruby, not if it makes you sad, and not if the price is our friendship."
More silence. She breaks it once more. "Maybe you should leave."
Her heart protests the words as they come out of her mouth, but her head says he is hurting you, what kind of friend does that? Why doesn't he just leave?
He looks at her, puzzled. She says again: "Maybe going would make all of our lives better."
He clenches his fist, his voice very quiet. "But I thought..." Pause. "You want me to leave?"
"Maybe I do."
A roar now, the quiet, serene calm of the conversation shattered. "MAYBE?"
She flinches, the shout unexpected. After a few moments, he speaks again, calm once more. "What do you really want from me?"
The earlier anger finds its way back to her, rising up in her chest before it finds its way out of her mouth: "I want you to stop hurting me! I want you to leave, if you're going to leave, and stop lingering here if you're just going to leave anyway."
Silence. She could hear the faint cascade of words, the only words breaking through her thoughts being "I never wanted to hurt you." She sees his figure leave the house, a tall, ink-black, blurred figure; a ghost.
Soon, the only sound left was more tears hitting the pillow. Plunk, plunk, plunkplunkplunk. The only thought: No one to talk to... no friend. No friend.
|Naur, 115 - Midday, hr 7|
Ahti was so nice to look at, she decided. He was larger than she, his scales deep like the bottom of the chasm in the safe waters she lived in unlike hers, which resembled the notfish that stung her. She liked to look at him; it caused an odd feeling to rise up in her stomach.
He didn't have any trouble with the notfish. She had been burned quite a bit from the tentacles before it had died, floating to the bottom so she could tear the meaty appendages away from the ephemeral, mushroom-shaped top. Her cheeks darkened as she watched his muscular arms slam the bone club onto the creature. He could protect her, and the little fishes could keep her company.
A smile crept onto her face as she decided to stay, take her place. I like it here, as Rhalsi.
|Elen, 115 - Afternoon, hr 9|
Onyxia made me think about Heart Haven. I wonder how Kanor and Ennea are doing with their children. They would become afraid of me, if I stayed away for to long. I also miss Cita and Elek, but it hard for me to leave. Even if I had some problems with the smaller ones I like this place and I like Ruby and Elisa. It isn’t too far away from Heart Haven either, but the Moonkin are my real family. Not real, like Elisa, but real like a family where everyone is caring for each other. It is rather ironic that in the past I have been sad, because I am not really a Moonkin and also not able to stay in Aella and now that I am welcome to stay there I miss the Moonkin.
But now that I think about leaving I feel heavy-hearted, about doing so. I know, I will miss Rurik and Ruby. Especially Ruby, because she has been the first person that really seemed to understand me. At least I won’t cause anymore problems regarding my wounds and the scared children. It is like leaving someone I had known for my whole life.
Of course I am also sad because I have to leave Elisa once again and don’t even have a chance to say goodbye. However, I am sure I’ll visit her again someday.
I had been thinking a lot about leaving and decided it would be the best to not make things too emotional. Maybe the Moonkin need my help and I don’t want to keep them waiting for me. Of course, it is just one hand, but since it isn’t really hurting anymore I will at least be able to help them with that remaining one.
So I walked over to Ruby, who was combing Mina, trying to not scare the little girl again. Then I told her that I decided to leave. I didn’t think she would be so sad, but then she said something I didn’t expect. She said I would be her best friend. I was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to answer and that was my mistake. She said, she thought I am her best friend too and when I think about it was so, but in this situation I didn’t expect her something like that.
She knows about my past, she isn’t blind and can see my wounds. In fact she knows me even better than Kanor and also saw what happened to my arm. She knows my flaws, but still considers me as her best friend!
My inability to answer made her even sadder. Sadder, than I could imagine her face could ever be. When I tried to comfort her she ran off into her house. Again, I didn’t know what to do. After a moment of thought I followed her inside.
I don’t know, if that has been a good idea, but I how could I leave her in that situation? After my first words she decided to hide in the bedding. Her eyes were completely red and I felt so ashamed knowing that I have been the one causing this. I couldn’t even look at her and sat down on the other end of the bed. I haven’t felt such a pain inside my body, since Eteni had control over me. Even compared to Rufus dead this was very hard. It took so long and in the end I decided to leave, so I won’t be hurting her even more. I hope it has been the right decision.
|Gurtha, 115 - Midday, hr 6|
For years, Emerald had gradually become worse and worse. Worse at being a good mate, mother, aunt, sister, and Noljen. She became unhappy, restless, and even forgetful. It was a hot sunny day, and part of it was already spent watching the children playing in the great sea. Emerald was simply watching, in one of her better moods. But then, a terrible thought crossed her mind. She had forgotten to feed Nelis and Darius! They were two of her quintuplets, and suffered from sleep for years. Emerald always hoped they would recover, and fed them every once in a while. But it had been months since she had gone to the little place they were born in and looked after them.
Emerald dashed inside. After several minutes, she walked back out slowly. The children were cold and hard, but their skin still felt smooth to touch. Their little eyes were closed, mouths slightly open. Emerald couldn't stop looking at their little faces, their sweet little faces. She sat down with her back against a tree and wondered how long they had been dead.
Eli, her mate, came quickly to comfort her. He told her it was not her fault, though emerald knew it was. He said that they were not healthy anyway, and could have joined everybody outside if they were. Emerald, in that conversation, realized something terrible. This would not be the last time something like this would happen. Emerald would have more children, and some would live, but most would die. And the only way to avoid such a life would be to leave it.
This was not the first time the idea occurred in Emerald's mind. Even when they first became mates, a tiny voice in her head voiced it's longing for a livelihood with more freedom. And over the years, the voice grew more and more powerful, with more and more reasons to go.
It was hard, trying to explain. She did not give all her reasons, but explained this was not what she wanted to do with her life. She also said she could not cope with loosing more children. But Eli didn't understand. He replied with sarcasm, and anger.
"Fine. Do whatever you want. I'm terribly sorry that me and your children weren't good enough for you. But it's not like you were the first mate that I wasn't good enough for, so I should be used to it by now."
She couldn't try to defend herself, it felt wrong to. After all, Emerald felt guilty and selfish. The words were true, weren't they? This world wasn't good enough for her, it was too dull and sad. It felt wrong to reject it, suddenly.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, unable to say more.
"Yeah, that doesn't help." Eli replied.
For the second time in Emerald's life, somebody didn't accept her apology. Last time, she ran to her father and cried and begged to go home. This time, Emerald didn't know where her father's corpse was even buried, and she was already home. So Emerald tried her best to be nice, and wished Eli a bright future. She then ran to the city, where her mother's grave laid.
"Mama," She began, falling to her knees, facing the gravestone. "You once told me that I should be honest about my feelings. And it wasn't until after you died before I actually followed your advice. I finally followed it again, and..." She took a deep breath." Why does it feel wrong?" She read the writing of the grave carefully. "Damn it Mama, why do you have to be dead?"
The grave did not answer. It's silence felt cruel. Could her mother be with Dyn now, laughing at such a stupid daughter? Anger flared up in Emerald.
"TELL ME!" She screamed, and began to punch and punch the ground above her mother's corpse. Only when her knuckles were bloodied and sore, and Emerald was exhausted, did she stop and collapsed.
Emerald's body began to shake with quiet sobs. "What do I do now?" she cried.
|Lasse, 115 - Afternoon, hr 8|
Too much sad. There was too much sad everywhere. She had tried to find some not-sad friends in the forest before but her brother needed her. Because he was sad. And then he had told her things that made her sad too. She didn't want to be sad anymore.
Sitting in her brothers lap, she stared at the tree line of the forest and sighed, eyeing the animals scurrying about the edges. Turning her back on the trees with a pout, she looked to the half finished bone club and remembered her brothers words. He was going to teach her how to hunt. He had said not to go in there alone, the wolves were there. And she had agreed not to make friends there just yet. Her eyes wandered back to the trees.
He hadn't said that she couldn't find some useful things in there though.
Wriggling out of his lap, she strolled down the hill past all the sleeping people and walked into the forest, humming her favourite tune as she pushed past some low branches. She saw some animals run away from her but didn't follow. She wasn't going to make friends. There were a lot of useful things on the ground and, keeping her eyes to the floor, she picked up some wood, some kindling, and balanced them in her arms. She didn't notice that she had walked deeper into the forest. She didn't notice the light of the day becoming dimmer. She didn't notice what was in front of her.
Staggering slightly over the uneven ground, she stumbled right into a firefly nest. A small yelp of surprise escaped from her mouth as she stepped back, her hand coming up to shield her face from the stirring bugs. She swatted at one that got too close, and soon, she was swatting vigorously with both hands, her collected items scattered once again on the forest floor. After a few moments, she stood there, panting with satisfaction as she looked at the dead insects lying around her.
She didn't notice that something else was there behind her.
Hearing a low growl behind her, she whirled around and stumbled backwards into some tangled branches in a panic, her eyes wide. A blur of grey rushed at her and she screamed as sharp teeth sank into her arm and twisted it around. A long and piercing scream; someone would hear it. Someone would come help her. Her scream had startled the animal and she kicked at it weakly. The pain spread through her and the sobs wracked her body. Her eyes blurred with tears, she turned and ran in the general direction of the colony but tripped over a hidden root and was sent flying, her head hitting the base of a tall tree.
She noticed the pain in her arm. She noticed the pain in her head. She noticed that something was dripping down the side of her face, warm and wet. She noticed her vision getting darker and her breathing getting fainter. Would they find her, before it was too late? Would her brother forgive her for not listening?
She didn't want to be sad anymore. But she didn't want to be hurt either.
|Khelek, 116 - Before dawn, hr 3|
What a sad day it had been yesterday. I walked outside to find our last remaining brothers body on the ground. Having to bury him brought up so many memories, ones that will always be in my mind but not ones I really care to remember.
I was 12 when the first death happened. My mother.. she decided to go hunting like she would normally do but this time.. this time it was different. She didn't return. I saw her fall to the ground after being killed, her body mangled. I remember calling out to her before I ran over. Noah made it to her side before I did. I can still hear him calling out to her, trying to get her to wake up. I joined him in the effort and everything we did wouldn't work. We put bandages, and salve all over her. I don't think we realized what had happened at first. I believe it was Kain that said something to us.. telling us that she was gone. I didn't want to believe it.. why would I want to believe that this nightmare was really happening.
Of course no one realized that the nightmare was just beginning. That next day my only sister, Sirana, had starved. I remember when she was born, I was jealous. She got all the attention that I was used to getting. I wish I was nicer. Later that day, my oldest brother passed away. He had always been quiet, but no one expected his soul to leave his body. He was so thin and fragile.
The following day, little Simeon starved. He was different then the rest of us. He didn't talk much and he didn't seem to like other people. He was special. With all the young ones starving, I went looking for some food to hand out and found two unnamed baby boys. We buried them with our mother.
When I didn't think things could get worse, I lost my best friend, my twin, Noah. I had nursed him back to health after he tried to hunt a crocodile after mother's death. He had conforted me after we buried our other siblings, calming me only by telling me that he would never leave me. Only hours later, he broke that promise. He went after a crocodile, this time he wasn't able to get free of the teeth. I couldn't breath, didn't feel like living. The only ones that remained were our father, who I was sure would die soon, Kain, Drew and myself.
Kain, Drew and myself.. we decided we could no longer live in a place that in such a short amount of time had so much death. While we were getting things together to leave, I found two more siblings. At this point, I felt nothing. I couldn't cry, or show any emotions. Drew came inside carrying our fathers things, bringing the news that he too had passed. I remember I walked outside, taking those two little siblings and buried what was left of our family.
Right before we left, I had gotten into a fight with Kain. I wanted to be comforted, told that everything was going to be alright and yet the way he spoke made me feel as though he didn't care about me. I remember saying some hateful things to him that I would soon regret. My words to him were this... "I wish it was you that died, and not Noah. Atleast he actually cared'.
When we arrived at the first town, there was a young woman there. I remember her being somekind of mixed breed. She looked at me as though I was her meal, licking her lips and growling at me. She charged towards me, and Kain jumped in front of her, attacking her so she couldn't harm me. He was injured pretty badly, his right eye pulled out of the socket. I couldn't move at first.. her eyes were on me and I thought I was next. When she finally left, I ran over to Kain's side, those words I said to him coming back to me hard and fast. Those few words I will always regret saying to the one that saved my life.
|Losse, 116 - Afternoon, hr 9|
Thoughts while traveling
I have been hurting her, like I have been hurting everyone. I hurted my family, because I became a devour, I hurted the Moonkin, because they accepted me. They split into two groups and even killed Rufus because of me. I hurted all of them. In Heart Haven I got wounded and instead of defending Kanor, Cita and their families they had to care for me. Then I visited the Stoneshapers and instead of helping Rurik and my sister by showing there is nothing they have to fear about I caused even more troubles, but what is hurting the most is that I hurted the only person that ever understood me.
It doesn‘t matter that I had to go. How could I be so mean to her? She didn‘t deserve it to ever meet someone like me. Every tear she dropped was hurting so much...
Elisa? I thought it was a dream, but I really met her and Quarr when traveling back. This gave me a chance to say goodbye to her, she even gave me an apple. Ruby was right, they taste very well. Elisa didn‘t seem to be very happy about me leaving. I just told her, that she should tell Ruby I will take care I won‘t hurt anyone and moved on.
It was still a long march until Heart Haven and so I had enough time to think about what happened. I was very disturbed and thought, if it wouldn‘t be better if I would disappear from everyones live. Maybe it is not my Aelleri shape or my lost arm that causes people to be afraid of me. Maybe there is a good reason for it. I have been taken by Eteni which caused me to eat an other Aelleri. I still get scared about myself when I think about that. In the end it was me, who caused Rufus dead and who knows what happened in Aella, after I fled? I have been too afraid to ask. Maybe I am a monster. I am the cause for so many good people to get sad. Isn‘t it that what makes creatures evil?
My thoughts were interrupted when I arrived in Heart Haven. It made me so happy to see Kanor, Ennea and their children being well.
|Losse, 116 - Evening, hr 10|
|Losse, 116 - Evening, hr 11|
|Kuile, 116 - Afternoon, hr 9|
The mountain was so full of life.
She kept reminding herself she should make something pretty to put on the Stone of Thankies to thank Kutar for letting her little ones have strong spirit. And not let them never wake up as the first little one.
But there were so many hungry little ones. Not only the beloved two of hers and Kartakh's, but also more little siblings, many more.
For the first time of her life, she knew what it meant to be happy. Blissfully happy in a way never experienced before.
But it was not to last..
The bad Spirit of the desert village spread to the mountain again, this time as a quarrel between Kastra and Darvesu. As Darvesu repeated how the kutari in the desert would make him still if going back, Kastra seemed to not want to listen, love for family stronger then love for the one Salira thought were now the young kutaris mate.
It made he hearth heavy, have to witness them go separate ways.
And now her mate wanted to go there.
To the place she had fled as little kutari, fearing for the safety of her own and her family.
Thinking of going back was making her hearth pound and back sweat but not in a good way.
She feared leaving her little ones. But feared more that something would happen to the two she loved the most, her not being able to help, not getting word of events.
She would have to return. She would have to face the place of her nightmares of so long ago one more time.
She would not let them leave without her.
|Kuile, 116 - Evening, hr 11|
Where is she? She was right there, then I tripped, and she's gone.
I need to catch her! She'll tell them where we are.
I should have just killed her. But Salome wasn't evil like most Otherkin, so I thought she might not be either. I gave her a chance to go back to the ocean where these Sea Nymphs come from. All we'd take was her sword, not her life.
But she ran. And now she's gone. Where did she go?
If she gets to the Otherkin, they'll come here to Safehill. We can't fight them without armor, or even with bone armor. And we don't have any white rock.
A kiln. That's what we need. I know the orange rocks can be made into good shiny armor. We need to work on that. Safehill needs to be safe. That's why we left Moonglade.
But now this Sea Nymph will ruin that. We have to find her!
|Rosa, 116 - Before dawn, hr 3|
A place to put my mate in, a place for my pups' kavo. He withered, like a flower without the sun, like aellari without the stone.
Tamir will always be the one I loved, the one I cherished more than life itself. The one I grew with from infancy, the boy who fathered my pups, as dead as they are to me.
I wanted a life. I wanted a happy life; he simply let himself wither and left me alone.
|Naur, 116 - Afternoon, hr 9|
|Naur, 116 - Afternoon, hr 9|
Finally I am back in Heart Haven. Cita and Elek were not here, but they would come soon. They just wanted to see the ocean. However, soon after my arrival Onyxia, the Dwagon I met in Aella arrived. She was looking for Cita and therefor didn't stay very long. I have been impressed by her self-confidence. It didn't seem to bother her that most people tend to be hostile at the beginning. She has even been wounded by them and still shows no form of anger. Maybe I should be more like her. Kanors children seemed to like her a lot.
There are also new people in Heart Haven. Nina Rose, Rubys sister, as well as Eos and Aos, Citas younger brothers. They look the same for me and never talk to anyone, like Kanor told me.
Nina didn't seem to like her family and has been speaking bad about them. I wanted to ignore it, but then confronted her. But how could I know there is nothing true about it? Ruby has always been nice, but when talking about her past I learned that her childhood was not very well either. Nina seemed to be very sad, when I tried to speak about it and I don't think it would be wise to even hurt her sister. I came here because of Cita and Kanor. Should I ever meet Ruby again I don't want to tell her I made even more people said. No, I promised her and myself to not hurt anyone ever again!
All these thoughts remembered me a lot of Ruby. At the beginning of my travel I had been angry, because she wanted to force me to stay and not allow me to see the Moonkin. I don't think she understands I consider them as my family. It isn't her fault, it's mine. I behaved as if I would not care for her, but it isn't like that and I always think about her. But I also think about Rurik and Elisa. I already miss them so much and I want to travel back. However I can't do that. It would make it even worse, now that I made Ruby angry. Maybe it would be the best for them to forget me. I caused more trouble, than I have been good and I don't want them to end like Rufus. Dieing, because they have been my friends.
Thinking about that my earlier thoughts returned. Maybe it would be better for them if I disappear. Either I travel somewhere nobody can find it or I end it once and for all.
Even these thoughts got interrupted. Nina reminded me a lot of Ruby, but also about myself. She left her kind, because bad things happened. An other thing distracting me was the appearance of Nightwatchers. I asked Kanor, if there have been any attacks, while I have been away, but he said there have been no attacks. Maybe they follow me I thought. If that is the case I should disappear even faster, else one of Kanors children might be hurt.
After having another long thought about it I decided to tell them, but then Kanor surprised me with a question. He asked me about my plans and if I want to have a family. The last time I really thought about that was when Rufus has been still alive and we lived in Skyreach. However, it is not like this question never popped up in my mind. In fact Rurik made me think of it quite often. I always muzzled this thoughts, because I don't think there is anyone that would want to have a child with me. My sight is not very attractive for anyone I guess and I don't think I would be a good father, because I can't even remember about my own family. That's also what I told Kanor, who said he is sure I would be a good father, but I guess that was only a way of being polite.
Eventually I could overcome myself and told them about my decision to leave. While talking however I felt like I would do something very evil. It was the same feeling I had while telling Ruby I would leave and I felt so sorry for my own words. I also told Kanor that I think I might be causing the Nightwatcher. Even when traveling with Ruby we met one. Maybe that is true I thought, but it is not like I would not cause troubles to them. This time the feeling that wants to prevent me got even stronger and I felt it on my whole body. The words aroused tension in every muscle of my body.
Maybe I should find a Nightwatcher or visit Moonglade to end it.
I surrendered. It was both a feeling of heaviness and relaxation.
Standing there, my head lowered I felt empty. Nothing was holding me here. The next steps I would take were inevitable.
It remembered me to the Cesias description of newborn Aelleri, where the mind isn't connected with the body yet. I told her it is like an empty, dead shell. This describes exactly how I felt. Like a dead tree. Without any purpose. Even Kanor seemed to understand that I would not change my decision anymore.
Then something unexpected happened. It nearly knocked me over.
Kontar not go!
It came out of the forest. At first I did not realize and not even care about these words. I just talked back into the direction the voice came from. It is better like that. I said and then turned back to Kanor. What I said was sounded an excuse.
While traveling back I had a lot of time to think about it. However, when I arrived I have been too glad to see you. I am sorry for this, but it seems to be the only way I can be sure I won't hurt anyone in future. It has been nice knowing you..
I already raised my hand to wave them for the last time, but suddenly something came out of the wood running over to me. It was Elena coming out of the forest and wrapping her arms around my legs. Kontar no go!
It is impossible to describe my next feeling. My body began trembling like all this emptiness gets filled again. I closed my eyes. It was not like happiness overcome me. The opposite is true. It was like something slaying me. I could barely stand it and had to reach for her to not fall over. 'Please, no..' After taking a deep breath I managed to ask what wondered me the most in this moment. 'Why could you want me to stay' I opened my eyes again, however it felt like a dream. Everything surrounding us was forgotten in this moment.
Because you are part of our family, Kontar The answer did not come from her mouth. It was Kanor speaking. You might not look like us, but I still consider you as my brother. He sighed sadly. But I can't stop you if you decide to end this. Will you at least visit Ruby and your sister before you do anything drastic?
He considers me as his brother? So it was not only me considering them as a family? I felt so stupid and so sorry, but I had no chance to even think about an answer. Ninas words followed Kanors, like everything would be pulling me from the decision that seemed so clear minutes ago.
Kontar... Her voice made my feeling of being pulled away even stronger. A stretched Please! followed my name. Don't do this to the children.. they love you like an uncle. Was it really like that and if so how could I not see that? She told me to wait for Cita, who would be able to help me and told me to visit Ruby. I agreed to wait for Cita. A few days would not make a big difference I hope. There are also many new things I have to think about now.
|Naur, 116 - Evening, hr 10|
As she walked through the door of her small limestone house, she sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands, thoughts whirling through her head. I know he's young, but did he have to ask me that? I know Marcas was smirking at my reaction... he only told me he liked me outright a few days ago! And now I have my little brother pestering me about having CHILDREN?! Mortifying... Tanek probably scared him off, now... no, he says he wants a family. Oh, no, what if he wants children now?! I'm not ready for that!
These thoughts continued until she was interrupted by the door creaking open, Marcas' head poking through the door. "Are you okay?"
She looked up at the interruption, immediately throwing a smile onto her face and speaking in an obviously forced reassuring tone. "Yeah..." The tone fades, and the uncertainty forces itself through. "I don't know."
What are you doing?! Do you really want to get into this conversation right now? Ruby, you've done it... Marcas' voice interrupts her once more, along with the sounds of a chair scraping the floor. She was face-to-face with him now. "Did what Tanek said really bother you that much?"
Oh no, he thinks you're terrible and that you never want to have children. Now you've really done it. As she's thinking these thoughts, she finds herself shaking her head vigorously, her voice quickening to almost the pace of her thoughts. "No, it didn't bother me! It was just so sudden, I didn't know what to say..." It was the truth.
He begins to talk now, a chuckle escaping his lips before he speaks. "I think you answered just fine - it isn't something we've ever talked about." Suddenly, he's as nervous as she is, his face turning a deep red to match hers. "But my heart tells me it's something we SHOULD talk about, someday."
Her heart skips a beat.
"I like you, Ruby. A lot." Two beats.
"I think that some day I want to be a Di-Di." Three beats.
"And I think that some day I want to be your partner." Now her heart was on fire. To add to the flame in her chest, she feels his hand on her head, pushing her hair back. The fire was disappearing, replaced by ice, shivers running up and down her spine. She finds herself very close to him now, breathing into him: "I'd like that."
He leans in even closer now, and the fire is back, and then his lips were upon hers. Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest, blazing, and for a moment there were no thoughts inside of her head for once, only his lips and her lips and both of their hearts blazing, together. It seemed like an eternity, or a millisecond... she couldn't decide.
Her lips curl into a smile against his, and he leans out, a sigh escaping his now also smiling mouth. Vaguely, she hears him say something about being tired, and she finally snaps out of her firey trance to grin at him, nodding as he asks her: "Would you mind if I rested in here? It's much more quiet than outside."
Her smile grows larger, her face still a deep red. "Consider this your house, as well. Okay?" She hears the words come out of her mouth, and as she says them, her smile grows even bigger, her heart still pounding in her chest. A smile forms on his lips as well, and he kisses her again; this time, instead of fire, her heart melts, replaced by a glowing warmth inside of her as she watches him fall asleep, watches him before she finally closes the door behind her as she walks back out of the house.
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